Away from the Manor and into the Woods
So, I realize that other than book-related blogs, I haven’t
actually written since last semester. There is SO MUCH to update you all on (if
you care—I’m still not really sure who reads this). But, because I know it is a
fruitful practice for me to reflect and look back, I will try and update you as
best as I can.
Last semester ended quickly, filled with work. Once the
students left, I was still working every day (usually on my days off, too) to
get ready for the new year. Half of my energy was going into getting ready for
my first year as director and the other half was going into studying for my
comprehensive exams for my MA at Notre Dame. Hence, I didn’t have much energy
left for blogging, personal relationships, or anything else for that matter.
Then, at the very end, as I was packing my belongings and preparing to move to
the Woods, I got so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed for two days. I was
dizzy when I stood up and had no energy, no matter how much I slept. Other than
sleeping, watching Buffy, and stumbling to the bathroom, I wasn’t up for
much—and still, I had to drive myself to the doctor because no one else would.
I will say, I was very grateful for the order of fries that one housemate
brought home for me. At least I had something in my system.
Finally, during that potentially dangerous doctor’s visit, I
found out that it was really just a seriously awful sinus infection (those
still bother me frequently) and I got some heavy-duty antibiotics to chase away
the yucky. I barely got well in time to pack up and move out. Also, as a
result, I probably had significantly more boxes packed way worse than they
would have been otherwise because I couldn’t lift anything very heavy. Looking
back, I’m really not sure why I didn’t just call one of my many students who
were still in town and ask for some help.
Finally, on the penultimate Friday in May, Ι loaded the few
things I needed for my summer at the Woods into my car and, leaving the rest in
storage at the Churchman house, drove to Terre Haute. I left unceremoniously,
without goodbyes from at least half of my housemates, feeling rather morose. Although it is a short drive to Terre
Haute from the south side of Indy, it seemed even shorter because I was so
emotional. I certainly did not help that I had been in such a rush to leave
that I arrived almost two hours early.
I ended up eating lunch with the other interns—who from this
point on will be referred to as my community. Before I even begin to talk about
the experience of living at St. Mary of the Woods and working at the White
Violet Center for Eco-Justice, I feel the need to say that, although it was
only for five weeks, I think that the community I lived with there was so much
closer, deeper, more peaceful, and more accepting than any other community
experience I have ever had to this point in my life. My dear friends, if you
read this, I am so grateful for the healing love that you showered on me. You
are some of the best people that I know.
Shortly after I got unpacked and all settled in, the other
new intern arrived—Rebecca, who was mentioned earlier in my reading update as
one of my vegan community member.
The other vegan, Michael, was already there but was taking part in the
Permaculture Course offered at SMW through IU (I really recommend this to
anyone interested in that sort of thing). He joined us in the gardens a week
later.
When I mention the gardens, I feel that I must clarify:
we’re really not talking a garden. We’re talking about fields. All in all, the
gardens that I worked in were about as large as the small field that sits next
to my grandmother’s (now Sarah’s) house in Rolla—this will help my family
members have some idea what I mean. There were several plots where we grew
different wonderfully delicious and beautiful vegetables—chard, lettuce,
carrots, kale, turnips, peas, and so much more! Every day, we would either
harvest, plant, weed, or mulch. Many days, I would come back to the convent
covered in dirt, so exhausted that I would peel off my overalls and have to lay
down before I even got showered or dressed. I loved every minute of it.
Who wouldn't love to wake up and see this every day?
For those of you who are friends with me on facebook, you
probably saw me write every day that I lived in a magical place. It really was
magical. I could go to work, harvest some chard or a handful of peas or any of
our other yummy veggies (and rarely, some berries), and get to eat them for
dinner. We could have what we wanted from the “seconds”—the produce that for
one reason or another (some sort of blemish or damage) wasn’t considered
sellable. I think I ate better during those five weeks than the entire rest of
my life. I learned to love things I had never tried before (or, never liked
before), and it was wonderful. Like I said—magical.
In addition to eating well, I was learning to cook—not bake,
cook. Always before, my version of cooking was usually pasta-related or making
eggs. Rarely if ever did I actually cook. Now, that has changed. Oh yes,
friends, I can now sort of cook (although I am still not to the level of my
former “personal chef”—as he called himself—Patrick, nor am I nearly as
talented or sure of myself as S. Hannah). And, I like what I cook (very
important).
Chard-- my new favorite vegetable!!
When I wasn’t in the gardens working or in the kitchen
cooking and eating, I was either in my room or the library studying or hanging
out with my community and my sisters.
As a child, I longed for siblings—any siblings at all—but
most especially, sisters. Now I have to say, if I had known that all those
prayers to God asking for a sister would result in me having 300, not only
would I still have prayed them, I might have prayed more. I love my sisters and
I miss them every day. I think that much of the sadness (I say sadness because
I don’t believe I’m actually depressed, just a little lonely) that I have
experienced since I moved back to Indy is the result of not having those
wonderful women around to love me (and for me to love back).
Not only was I blessed with the opportunity to deepen my
close friendship my dear friend S. Arrianne and deepen my friendships with the
other sisters who I already knew (especially my Sister Companion, Dawn), but I
was able to form new friendships with the other sisters. I learned a lot about
myself as a result and I also grew to have a deeper appreciation for the
importance of a truly healthy community. Unlike other communities that I had
been a part of, being part of the SP community as both an associate and an
intern has helped me to realize my own value and my own gifts rather than only
point out my flaws. Living at the Woods was, most of the time, like living
inside of a hug—warm, loving, and gentle. On the occasions that it wasn’t, it
was filled with learning experiences and kind, constructive criticism. I didn’t
hear the word hell used once as a location that I might eventually end up in,
nor did I find myself being told that I wasn’t ___ enough—Catholic enough,
conservative enough, liberal enough, fun enough, welcoming enough, hospitable
enough. We recognized each other’s gifts and each other’s weaknesses and
endeavored to make ourselves better and to encourage everyone else. This was
the case with both the sisters and my community as well as the other staff at
the WVC.
I already said how amazing my community was. It was so good
to arrive and find myself with such a variety of souls. First, there was Paul.
Paul was like my big brother during my time at the WVC. He has this amazing
spirit of gentleness and kindness, he is so generous with his time, his
attention, and his strength. He lives a life of simplicity but is also one of
the most intelligent people I have ever met—he knows so much about so many
things. He also has a beautiful wife and daughter, both of whom I regret not
getting to know better before leaving. Along with Paul, there was also Rusty,
with whom I have had many wonderful conversations, both serious and comical,
and whose friendship was an absolute treasure during my time at the Woods. We
enjoyed watching movies, chatting in the fields during work, and just being in
the same place with a like-minded soul. I appreciated both Paul and Rusty’s
kindness so much during those five weeks—and their encouragement as I tried to
study for my exams.
I have already mentioned Rebecca and Michael. Rebecca is a
student at SMWC and is just phenomenal—I think that girl could take on the
whole world if she wanted to. I loved talking with her, hearing her stories,
and laughing with her. For the first several weeks, we also shopped
together—along with Michael—and I enjoyed getting to know them both as we
discussed food—an obvious passion in those who work in an organic garden! If
Paul is the most intelligent person I know, Michael is in the running for being
in possession of the greatest variety of talent that I know. He’s a musician,
an artist, an entrepreneur, a farmer, a student—not because he is taking
classes but because he is a student of life--, very knowledgeable about a variety of things, and just a
generally all-around great guy. I enjoyed every minute of getting to know him.
Between both Michael and Rebecca, I learned a lot! I appreciate more than I can
express how open both of them were to shared discussion and how non-judgmental
they were about the things we don’t agree on.
In addition to those four, there was another intern—Bree,
who arrived shortly after Michael. I must say that I think Bree rather brave.
She has big dreams and is seeking out ways of achieving them. She has lived in
many different communities and had many amazing volunteer experiences that I
think have brought her to where she is now, an amazing woman with a great deal
of wisdom yet still desiring to learn more. While I did not get to live in
community with her (or Paul, for that matter), I think that Bree is very
admirable and her presence was integral to our community.
There were also the staff members at the WVC—Candace, kind
and dynamic and with awesome stories to tell, a great mom and an good boss,
David, who reminds me more of my uncles than anyone else I have ever met
(seriously, he should have been a Willy or a Ponzer!) and who always makes me
laugh, Anne, generous and funny and amazing and who was and is a dear friend
and who I miss terribly, Nick, who I only worked with a little but who I
already know is a kind, generous soul who loves to learn, and Tracey, the
alpaca manager, who I barely got to spend time with but who is highly
intelligent and very kind—I also enjoy being an associate with her. Lastly,
there are Sister Mo and Robyn, our fearless leaders who, even though I didn’t
get to work with them very much, made my internship both more enjoyable and
more educational. I also enjoyed building friendships with both of them. Sister
Mo has a great sense of humor but is very down to earth and wise. Robyn is
almost too much like me for me to describe fairly— but I can say that she is a
Southern Missouri girl, Truman state grad who later got an MA in Philosophy, an
awesome mom, kind, loving, supportive, and a friend whose presence I sorely
miss in my life, though at least we keep in touch via facebook!
My small descriptions cannot really do these people justice.
Forgive the use of less than adequate words like “kind” and “amazing.” These
people healed the hurt of the last two years and did it in five weeks, all the
while making food grow out of dirt that they sprinkled seeds in and watered.
They’re miracle workers.
So, that was my five weeks at the Woods in a nutshell. I got
to spend my days and some evenings with my community, have lunch with my
sisters, hang out with Arrianne and go on walks, talk with Joni when she was
home, and sometimes, rarely, I got to spend special moments, or even whole
evenings, with the sisters I am closest to—gathered around a bonfire or sitting
at a table, chatting, sharing, singing, learning, and loving. Each of those
evenings is pressed into my heart—a memory that I call on when I need strength.
Thank you, my sisters.
I’ll continue in the next post with tales from the SP Annual Meeting, moving in, and more!
